I’m told that this is the age of India’s sexual revolution, mostly thanks to online dating and “western culture.”
But I suspect we Indians have been having a lot of sex, for a very long time.
Might I point your attention to the population for just a long, awkward minute?
So begging the question, my loves – what’s changed?
And providing the answer, since I’m feeling generous – I think the only thing that has changed is that we’re far more open, and far kinkier, about our sex lives than ever before.
And yet. Aaaaand yet. When it comes to the question of protection, every single human being I know freezes up.
It’s like their eyeballs enter this existential crisis that can be matched only by a broken compass. And that just makes me feel like a petty primetime villain.
If we’re going to really have this be a sexual revolution, people, we’re going to need to get a lot more shameless about protecting our private parts.
Herpes and all its cousins are not the mainstays of the US of A, you know.
India has always had its fair share of STDs going around – it’s just that before we got this uninhibited about who we invite into our bedrooms, we weren’t exposed to them quite as much.
Plus honestly, at 1,326,801,576 Indians and counting, I feel the need to say this to you all.
Buy a damn box of condoms.
And go on the damn pill.
Or get a diaphragm.
Or get a shot.
But whatever you do, always and foremost, buy that damn box of condoms.
You’ll notice I’m not mentioning which gender I’m directing all this to. Because I’m saying this to everyone reading this.
I don’t care if you’re male or female or trans. I don’t care if you’re gay or lesbian or bi or pan.
Well okay, if you’re lesbian you don’t need to go on the pill.
But the rest stands.
I have, in the past, had to boot a boy from my bedroom because he thought that me being on the pill was protection enough. And he promised to pull out.
Lesson number 1: I am on the pill because I don’t want to get pregnant, and condoms are not a 100% safe.
Neither are pills, for that matter, but combine the two and I figure my luck will have to be REALLY feeling like a bint in order for me to get knocked up.
Lesson number 2: Pills will not protect me, or my partner, against STDs.
I wish everyone would take these lessons to heart.
If we’re going to be adults and take control of our own sexualities, we need to be adults, and do it in a safe and sane manner.
Frenetic sex in the backseat of a car might still be a thing in India, with so many young people having no access to privacy inside their homes thanks to mummy and daddy and chacha and chachi and chunnu and munnu.
But frenetic sex in the backseat of a car that leads to syphilis or Daddy Junior needs to seriously become a thing of the past.
So who’s supposed to take responsibility for protection when a couple has sex, hmm?
Is it the guy’s responsibility, because condoms anatomically belong on a penis?
Or is it the girl’s, because she doesn’t want to get pregnant, nor does she want an STD?
Or – and here’s a novel thought – is it something you both might want to take charge of, together?
Because neither of you wants a pregnancy or an STD? And neither of you wants to cause a pregnancy or an STD in your partner, either?
Here’s what I believe.
You are responsible for your own protection.
It’s selfish, yes. It’s also generous. Ultimately, it’s respectful. And it makes you a great partner.
So guys, go buy yourself condoms. And girls, go buy yourself some condoms too.
And I hate to be shameless, but in my book, more condoms = more sex.
A.k.a., everyone wins.